Starting Your Own Smoke&Flame Group

If you have been to a Smoke&Flame bonfire night you will have noticed that the evening has a loose and consistent pattern. There is no official start time for the night, just a period of when people may start arriving. There is no end except for when the night's leader or the host dismisses everyone. The discussion is informal, and is lead by one person until the conversation takes off. Anyone who wants to come can just show up, are not required to bring anything, and don't have to participate in the discussion if they do not wish to.

First off, perhaps you are just learning about Smoke&Flame and don't know what it is, so I will explain it in brief. Smoke&Flame is an opportunity for men to smoke around a flame (hence the name) and engage in discussion over a chosen topic, which is decided beforehand. If the men wish, this is an opportunity to bring a cigar, or their tobacco pipe, since the opportunity to smoke nowadays is so limited and these things are best enjoyed in the company of others. We all come together for an evening around an outdoor fire, light up, chat, then discuss the topic of the evening, then return to chatting before everyone goes their separate ways. The topic comes in the form of an article, a video, or a podcast that is shared out before the event so that everyone may review the material and engage in the conversation on the night.

So, how is this a successful event? Well I, Ethan Hall, started this up as a way to get men together to relax and have some fun, and it appealed to people. I see it as containing these basic ingredients which make it successful: fire, guys, smoking, and a task/goal. Men like fire, so that is a draw. Men like women, but men also like the opportunity to spend time with just men because we do not have that opportunity often nowadays, so that draws people. Some men like cigars, others like the pipe, some like other forms of tobacco, and some don't like tobacco at all, but the idea of being in a party of people smoking cigars is pretty cool and feels manly, and so men feel drawn to that. And, the night has a purpose, an activity, the topic which we will discuss - we are not simply gathering to spend time together, but are united in a task, which is intellectual conversation meant to enrich ourselves and others.

Once again, why is the event successful? Because it's fun to go to, simply put. It is a place for the men to be men, to befriend other men, to enjoy the outdoors, to enjoy a smoke if they so choose, and with the topic of the night it's a chance to go beyond the surface-level conversation with others. Here, men can just be men and have fun in that.

As the title of this article puts forth, I am here to tell you how to start up your own Smoke&Flame group. Which, I suppose I already have told most of what you need to know. For those parts I left out, such as finding men to join you, getting a host, and choosing a topic, I will address the best I can.

For an event you will need people, and this is either the easiest or the most difficult part of setting up your bonfire. If you have friends invite them, and if you have people that you would like to get to know better then invite them as well. Start with those you know already, then branch out from there. After you have done a few of these and have an established group of men, then have the other men reach out to their friends to bring them into the group. And then, if it is successful and you believe it would be good to expand further, then you may want to publicly advertise this event so that all those looking for community may join if they wish.

Now, for making an event when you don't have the friends to invite. In my instance, I wanted to get this event and others up and running when I moved over to the west side of Michigan, but I ran into barriers. Namely two barriers: I was not established in the area and so was a stranger to everyone, and I did not have my own circle of friends established yet and so I did not have a base group from which to invite to a bonfire. The remedy for both you and me is, unfortunately, a slow-acting one. You need to go out, meet other people like you at whatever events may be going on in the public or at your church or at another church in the area, you need to regularly show up and participate at these things to become a known face, and befriend those at these events. If you are new to an area, or are a new Catholic or a Catholic with a recently renewed faith, or if you are trying to create a friend group of good Catholic Christians, you will have to move slowly. At minimum you should expect it to be weeks before you can have friendships with others that you could call on them to join your event and have the expectation that they will come, but rather than weeks be prepared for months of relationship-building. This is not going to be quick, and that is good because it means it is more likely to last. Have patience, and build good friendships in the meantime.

And now back to the actual bonfire. You have your inner circle that will be joining you, now you need a host. This part is simple, since you now have an inner circle. See who among the men would be able and willing to host the fire, and work with that. Or, if for some reason none of the men can host, see if they have family or a friend who could host. And if that does not work out either, see if your local park has a place that you'd be allowed to build a fire. To take weight off the shoulders of a host their only expectations are that they have a place to keep a fire (be it a burn barrel, a hole in the ground, or a full-on bonfire site), they have a bathroom available to the guests, and they be okay with the men smoking at the fire. Chairs, snacks, and drinks are to be provided by those coming to the bonfire.

You have your group of men, and you have your hosting location, now you need your topic of conversation. For you just starting out, I recommend that you utilize some of the articles used in previous Smoke&Flame nights, then you can pick your own once you've become more established. But once you do become established, how do you choose a topic and present it? If you are a discerning man then hopefully this will come easily to you. For me, I have a list of things that I feel the men (all men, not just the men near me) need to hear, or would be beneficial to be talked about. For example, on my list of topics I have at the time of writing there is "We Should Be Storytellers", "Masculine Leisure", "A Military Church", and more. Either you find a topic spoken about in an article or video or podcast and you center the night around that, or you already have a topic in mind and you find the content to share with others in order to address your desired topic. Share the content with the participants, write a short blurb to accompany the link, then be ready to talk at the fire.

A last thing on the topic, be ready to present. You should review the content that you share out at least a couple of times to be ready to speak on it. It is up to you when the conversation starts, but you must be sure to initiate it. Give plenty of time for people to socialize, I would recommend at least an hour from the "start" of the event, then call everyone to attention. Announce the start of the discussion will begin momentarily, then lead everyone in prayer - make it a "spontaneous" prayer, not something rote like the Our Father or Hail Mary. If you are going to be a good speaker to lead the conversation then you should be a good speaker in prayer as well. After the prayer then you will give an introduction to the topic in a brief summary in your own words, mention why you felt the chosen video/podcast/article was a good choice for tonight, and briefly share your thoughts on it. Invite others to share their thoughts as well, but do not call anyone out to pull ideas from them, as this is a voluntary and casual event. Have several other thoughts and ideas ready to share, because there may be silence as people are afraid to be the next one to speak. Be okay with silence, it is an opportunity for others to think. Do not let silence linger for too long, and do not make people feel bad for not having something to say. If in the end you are the only one who speaks, be okay with that. But again, give space and time for silence, and have several thoughts and statements ready and available for silences that last too long.

If, in the end, the bonfire does not work out, you will have to be okay with that. Speaking from experience as an event manager, you are delusional if you think that all of your events will be successful. Give it your best shot. My dad always told me growing up that I don't have to win (at whatever it is I'm doing), I just need to do my very best, and that is all he expects of me. If you grow into a very successful men's bonfire group, then praise God, and start choosing your own bonfire topics, and praise God some more.

Article written for the VME Catholic Society, by Ethan Hall