Layman's Sermons: Making an Idol of Vocation

This is going to sound a bit egotistical, but here are my favorite quotes I have from this article: "Unless you can say 'yes' to both, you can't say 'no' to either." "Choose the vocation that will make you more holy, it's as simple as that." "There are exceptions to the rule, but you are never the exception." "If everyone was a priest, where would the children be?"

Read on to see my reasoning behind these thoughts.

I have this concern for others in regards to the discernment of vocation. Perhaps it is just those that I've been around in high school, college and beyond, it could be that my circles are the ones racked with "discernment anxiety", but I worry that this is not the case. I am concerned that many people have anxiety regarding their vocation when they should not. I am concerned that many people today fear that they will make the "wrong choice" for a vocation, and that they need to guess at which path leads to disaster and which is the one God chose for them.

I should back up and speak about the basic ideas which led me to writing this article. I have observed from some people a kind of "fear" that they will choose the "wrong vocation" in their discernment, and they worry so much about this that their spiritual lives are weighed down. This is a false premise, the idea that your soul has one "end" (ie. purpose) to it which is found in a specific vocation, and you have to guess whether that is marriage or religious life, and you hope that you are right in your choice. But there is no such thing as a wrong vocation, you simply have two good choices before you - the natural vocation and the sacrificial vocation. The anxiety you have - I know this is hard to hear - is unwarranted. I will explain more of this soon.

When I spoke a moment ago about the "natural vocation", I spoke of marriage. It is the first institution created by God, the Primordial Sacrament which originated from God when He gave Adam the partner which he had lacked, when the first man found his match in the first woman. If you read Theology of the Body you'll come across the idea that "your body doesn't make sense alone" which is at the same time a simple and a profound way to explain the need a man has for a woman, and a woman for a man; not a need like an animalistic desire, or the pangs of hunger from deprivation, but rather that the natural purpose of our bodies cannot be fulfilled on our own. It makes sense that each man and each woman should be married and create families, because that is the very purpose of us. Our very nature, our own selves, they cry out for another person to make us more. Our reproductive organs are made for each other, and because of this fact we see that the call to marriage is natural to us all, it is something which we are all called to.

"Wait a minute" says you, "what do you mean by saying 'we are all called to marriage'? Are you saying that nobody should go into religious life?" No, I am not saying that, but I see how you could get that from what I said. Marriage is the natural vocation of man and woman, it is what our bodies are made for. Religious life, on the other hand, is a "sacrificial vocation" where you give up your natural call for marriage, when you abstain from that yearning you have for the complimentary match you find in another person, and instead you offer the life you could have had as a husband or wife up to God. You make the sacrifice of the natural vocation an offering to the Lord, and you make the whole rest of your life an offering to God as you consecrate yourself to Him. In this abstinence from a good you draw nearer to God. By fasting from the natural sacrament for the rest of your life you allow for the possibility and opportunity of drawing nearer to God than you may have been able to living as a spouse and parent.

I would challenge you to find issue with what I've put forth. Prove to me that our bodies are not naturally created for marriage, for sex, and I will accept revision in my proposition. If you cannot, then my point still stands, and you have either path open to you. That is the simple fact of the situation each of us live in, we worry about the choices we make, but the choice is up to us. This is important in the discernment of where your life will go, to know that vocational path you will choose - you should know that neither vocation is wrong.

One caveat I will make is that there may be a wrong choice for you, in the sense that you choose consecrated life because marriage scares you, or you flee from religious life because marriage seems more comfortable. Here is what I believe is my most controversial statement I make regarding this issue of vocational discernment: unless you can say "yes" to both, you cannot say "no" to either. If you are repulsed by or afraid of one choice and excited for the other, that is no real choice. Think, what is the choice here: I offer you the choice between putting your hand in a box filled with angry and highly venomous snakes and having to pull one out, or putting your hand in a box filled with chocolate and you have to pull one out. Between the two, which would you pick? Ah, yes, the snakes, clearly that is the correct choice because it is more difficult; obviously you choose the box which would cause you much suffering and an agonizing death, right? No, you pick the chocolates. And so it is with vocation, you must be able to say "yes" to either option, and if you can't do that then your "no" means nothing.

What I do not mean is this, that you must have an equal desire for both vocations? I had a friend describe the priesthood this way recently: it's like a very beautiful woman with a great personality, something I can admire and see why people choose her, but I'm attracted to a different woman who is still beautiful and also has a great personality. Both vocations are "beautiful women" (if you'll allow the analogy for a moment longer), but you are inevitably drawn more towards one than the other. Because you are drawn towards one more than the other, it does not mean the one you rejected is ugly, only that she is good for another man, just not you.

Once again, unless you can say "yes" to both, you cannot say "no" to either. If you think one is ugly, or you hate her personality, or whatever else it may be, there is no real "choice" there. The other "woman" left to you is all that you have left to choose - it's one or the other, so pick one. But the Father doesn't make ugly daughters. Both of these women are beautiful, and He would hate to hear that you think one is ugly.

I've worked that analogy to death. I wish to make another point and move on from the analogy. Your vocational discernment may turn into an Abraham and Isaac type of situation at some point, which is when this question will really be put to the test - the question of whether you are following the Lord's will in your discernment or following your own. The very thing which you hold dear will be asked of you at some point, and if you cannot give it up then you cannot commit to His plan which He has for your good. If He asks a young man "will you leave the seminary if I ask you to and marry a woman and start a family?" and the young man says "no, I won't do that" - well, I don't think I have to explain to you why that's a bad thing.

You cannot "force" one vocation and remain in the will of God. Abraham was chosen by God because of his willingness to submit to Him in all things. Yes, Abraham had his flaws, but when it came to killing the very son whom he loved and through whom God's covenant was promised, Abraham remained obedient. God saw the obedience in this man and stopped the sacrifice before it took place, and blessed Abraham for following the will of the Lord. Now my question to you is, what is your Isaac? The thing you hold most precious, the thing which perhaps you believe is a gift from God Himself, will you let it go also? When Abraham tied his son the the altar and raised his knife he had at that moment, at that moment he "let go" of the thing which he held as most precious to him. You must do the same - and perhaps it will be given back to you as happened with Abraham, or perhaps He will not give it back. Are you willing to give up this thing, perhaps your perceived "vocational call", if God asks it of you? That absolutely "perfect" man or woman you're dating, the one you plan to marry, the match you have always hoped for, if God invited you to explore a religious vocation would you listen? Perhaps He just wants to see if you're willing to say "yes" to Him no matter what, or perhaps you never truly investigated religious life as a vocation. Perhaps God is inviting you to discern a different vocation because you never truly discerned the other one, or because He knows you would be happier in the other one.

Sometimes there will be people who will be "called" to something more by God, He will come to you and invite you into a specific vocation. But you, oh friend, are likely not one of these people. There are exceptions to the rule, but you are never the exception. People seem to forget this, and we Americans seem to think that we are "special" and that each of us will be handed a vocation directly by God. No. Please tell me, anecdotally, how many people you know personally who received word from God saying "I want you in this vocation"? Okay, those of you reading this will inevitably come up with a few examples where someone felt they had a clear call to something, I expect this to be the case. Myself, I have a friend or two who "received the call" to switch their vocation. But then, compare that to everyone else you know in the Catholic faith and how all these others did not feel specifically called into a vocation, they just ended up in one or felt a personal draw towards it. But you say "they weren't properly discerning, they just ended up in a vocation eventually", and I respond that you're making an assumption, you're begging the question. The person I just described who contends that other people didn't actually discern a vocation, they operate under the assumption that if you listen to God well enough that He will tell you everything you need to do and give you instructions on each decision you must make - the Great Puppet Master, the Great Dictator of Our Lives, the Manufacturer of Fate. But no, we are not Calvinists, God gives up free will in life and allows us to choose our own paths.

Perhaps you are still reeling from when I told you that you are never the exception. Why are you offended by this? Do not presume that you are called to rise beyond your station, but rather give attention to what God has given you. Yes, I am being harsh; and no, I will not mince my words, all of you need to hear this - I know I would have benefited from hearing this years ago. Most of us are called to be ordinary. If everyone was Pope, that role would have no meaning. If everyone was a priest, where would the children be? If everyone was a mother, who would be the fathers? Each is given a responsibility, each is given certain desires and tendencies, each is given their own talent. Look at the parable of the talents in Matthew 25:14-30 with me. I wish to enlighten you about a message within this story.

14 ‘For it is as if a man, going on a journey, summoned his slaves and entrusted his property to them; 15 to one he gave five talents, to another two, to another one, to each according to his ability. Then he went away. 16 The one who had received the five talents went off at once and traded with them, and made five more talents. 17 In the same way, the one who had the two talents made two more talents. 18 But the one who had received the one talent went off and dug a hole in the ground and hid his master’s money. 19 After a long time the master of those slaves came and settled accounts with them. 20 Then the one who had received the five talents came forward, bringing five more talents, saying, “Master, you handed over to me five talents; see, I have made five more talents.” 21 His master said to him, “Well done, good and trustworthy slave; you have been trustworthy in a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.” 22 And the one with the two talents also came forward, saying, “Master, you handed over to me two talents; see, I have made two more talents.” 23 His master said to him, “Well done, good and trustworthy slave; you have been trustworthy in a few things, I will put you in charge of many things; enter into the joy of your master.” 24 Then the one who had received the one talent also came forward, saying, “Master, I knew that you were a harsh man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you did not scatter seed; 25 so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.” 26 But his master replied, “You wicked and lazy slave! You knew, did you, that I reap where I did not sow, and gather where I did not scatter? 27 Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and on my return I would have received what was my own with interest. 28 So take the talent from him, and give it to the one with the ten talents. 29 For to all those who have, more will be given, and they will have an abundance; but from those who have nothing, even what they have will be taken away. 30 As for this worthless slave, throw him into the outer darkness, where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.”

This parable has several meanings, not just that you should not bury your gifts for they are your responsibilities. Have you wondered about the meaning behind the servants being given different amounts of money? To the one who is given much, much is expected. Some are given much and are made to do great things - some are a John Paul II, they are the 40 Martyrs of Sebaste, or Joan of Arc, or John the Baptist, Thomas Aquinas, Augustine of Hippo, Longinus, Thomas More, Joseph the Worker. Some of us are given 10 talents, like those I just listed. But some of us are given 1 talent, like Louis and Zélie Martin, Thérèse of Lisieux, Carlo Acutis, Basil the Elder and his wife Emmelia, Paul of Thebes. Some of us, and in truth it's most of us, are not called to be extraordinary; what we are called to is to use well what we've been given.

Something I wish you to notice in the saints I listed, in both groups you had lay people and those consecrated to the Lord, you had married and religious vocations in both groups. Some, yes, will be called to great things, but many of us are meant to be ordinary. Some of us are meant to make an impact on the world, and the rest of us are meant to make an impact on someone's world.

I think I should summarize my thoughts, recap them for you to simplify them and begin to close. The one throughline I want you to take away from this for sure is that I see too many people making an idol out of what they perceive to be their vocational call. I have seen more than one seminarian let go from the seminary become angry at the faculty there because "they were clearly not listening to God's voice" because each of these young men are absolutely meant to be priests. I have seen women convinced that they are meant to join religious life even though they are rejected from each and every convent they apply to, and are told by those in the community that religious life is not their calling - and yet these women still persist, convinced they know their own vocation and every single other person is wrong. I have seen men and women date, and date, and date, fully convinced that they are meant to be married, yet confused why that idea keeps becoming more distant from them while ignoring the opportunities and invitations to investigate religious life.

What I said just above is not a contradiction of what I stated earlier, that vocations are a choice; what I am saying is that perhaps the Father is not allowing you to choose one path until you see the good and beauty in the other. In the analogy earlier of the two beautiful women, they are sisters, and as is the case with many sisters they look very similar to each other. Imagine that a young man was pursuing one of the sisters and he is asked by the one why he chose her over the other. In his response he says that he thinks the other sister is ugly, or has a poor personality, or he does not say something like this explicitly but his disgust at her is made evident through his words. The sister whom the man is pursuing then thinks about how much the two girls share in similarities, as well she thinks about how much she loves her sister, and rightly withdraws from this young man because of his disgust at her sister. What woman would want a man like this?

It is not that God is trying to force you into one vocation, it's that you have made an idol of a vocation. Perhaps I should have started with this at the beginning of the article, because this is the real point. The problem of many people today who are discerning a vocation is that they have a elevated "discernment" and vocation above its proper place. Perhaps God chooses to withdraw one vocation from you while you have an inordinate attraction to it so that you may resolve your repulsion to the other vocation. Perhaps the Father wants you to see that both of His daughters are beautiful.

But the question still remains, the one which will inevitably be asked, how do you know what is the "right" vocation for you? It's easy, choose the one that will make you more holy, it's as simple as that. Some of you will object, because you will say that you feel that marriage is the vocation that comes to mind for many people when asked what will make you more holy - but that feels like a copout you say, because you want to get married. Well, for most of you, yeah, marriage is your "correct" vocation. Marriage is the natural path most people will be driven towards, because of course more people will be married than will go into religious life. Imagine if it was the opposite, that most people went into religious life - eventually we'd run out of people. As I said earlier, if everyone was a priest, where would the children be?

I don't feel the need to argue this. It's a simple fact, most people are going to naturally be drawn towards religious life rather than marriage. There's nothing wrong with this. As I said earlier, as the Church says, marriage was the first institution by God, so it is a good thing. I do not lament anyone pivoting from one vocation to another, and neither should you, so long as the person is intentionally pursuing God then I am happy for them.

I will restate this once more, your vocation is not dictated by God, there is no "wrong choice" so long as you are not hiding from something or avoiding either vocation, and both vocations are good. Some who read this (or perhaps nobody will read this, and yet I am happy to get these thoughts written down regardless) may be thinking "I wonder if Ethan is writing this about me", and you would be correct. I have several specific people in mind in writing this, and many experiences with others that drew me towards crafting this letter of sorts. But, really, I see this embedded as an issue in the psyches of most of the Catholics around me. Protestant Christians don't have this issue, because they don't have celibate vocations so it's generally a matter of when you get married not if for most of them. Eastern Christians (the Orthodox and Eastern Catholics) generally have this issue but to a lesser degree because they have married clergy. Western Catholics though, I see this as a growing trend.

A final note, some may say that I am going too far and deemphasizing "the call to vocation" too much as if it never happens. Yes, I know, but I am doing what Jerome did, what Augustine did, what many others did in the Church in the past did when they saw something ailing the faithful: they exuberantly and enthusiastically emphasized the counterposition. Perhaps you think I go too far, but what I am doing is setting those who have gone too far off the path back onto the road, and sometimes it can feel a little harsh. But once you are all back on track, then I will be open to softening my position. Until then, get back on the road, we are Heavenbound.

Written for VME Catholic, by Ethan Hall